Got an email from someone a few days ago who wanted to subscribe to my newsletter, but wanted to know if there was any other way to pay apart from Clickbank, because…

“Clickbank have banned me for buying then refunding too many times”

er, no – don’t think so mate …

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My great uncle was an intelligence officer in India in WWII

I have a couple of his possessions he left to us when he died  – an old pair of binoculars, a lovely old mahogany folding ruler and a long ivory pen-knife which is really more like a stiletto blade when it’s unfolded – it must be ten inches long.

The kids have no real interest in any of these artefacts except the knife, and that’s because of the story attached.

One day he was in his office doing a briefing with some other men when a yell went up. A man just outside the office had been bitten by a venomous snake. I like to think it was a cobra but we don’t know for sure.

It had bitten him on the little finger as he’s put his hand up to try to defend himself.

Quickly my Uncle who was pretty quick-witted ordered the other men in the room to bring the man in and hold his hand down firmly on the desk.

He them proceeded to cut the man’s little finger off with his pen knife in order to stop the poison travelling into his bloodstream and killing him.

I like to show the kids the little ‘bloodstains’ left on the knife blade but it’s really just rust.

But they remember the story, and they always will.

The binoculars and the ruler look nicer, are probably worth more historically, and relate more to the actual job my Uncle did…

…but the knife…

THAT’S got the story.

That’s what gets remembered.

That’s why I use stories in my marketing.

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Friday evening and I started with toothache.

Not just a twinge, but the sort of Thor’s Hammer pounding, red-hot needle jabbing pain that turns a 6’4” bloke into a whimpering blob.

I know I can’t get to see my dentist until Monday so it’s time to search for temporary relief

The Googling begins and once I’m past the horror stories (maybe it IS an alien implant gone wrong not toothache?) I start to narrow down my searches.

Which is when I start to seriously dislike internet marketers.

Because every time I find what I think might be a decent site about how to cure my woes, I realise with frustration that what I’ve really found is a content site with articles written by someone with English as possibly a fourth a fifth language and stuffed with Adsense and Clickbank ads to monetize the blood thing!

It’s EXACTLY the sort of thing I’ve done myself in the past (but with better quality content).

But now I hate that it’s affecting my search for pain relief.

How dare people try to profit from my needs?

Fully aware that I’m now a classic ‘desperate buyer’ I keep searching, steadfastly refusing to click on any ads…

…until the realisation hits home, worse than any toothache.

The irony is more solid than any filling…

It was owning sites like these that paid for my dental work in the first place…

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(Thanks for Roy Carter for the idea for this post)

Most serial killers are white males.

The majority of internet marketers are white males

So if you take into account the vast number of white male internet marketers out there, *statistically speaking there should be at least ONE serial killer amongst them.

Either actively or in the planning stage.

Think about that little gem next time yo go to a marketing event eh?

(*Based on my own totally made-up statistics)

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You know, I’m really not sure I believe in the ‘law of attraction’ view of success. You know the one where you can ‘draw’ money and success from the universe by the right kind of thinking?

It depends on my mood.

Sometimes I think it’s laughable crap.

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You ever wondered about the power of having your photo or an image on your sites?

(Not like the cheesy one of me above though – would you believe I was doing a Skype interview at the time??)

In South Africa in 2003, Harvard economist Sendhil Mullainathan conducted a study.

He studied a bank that sent out letters offering short-term loans.

Together they varied the interest rate offered but also tested a number of variables designed to trigger psychological responses, such as a smiling photo in a corner of the sales letter.

It turned out that having a picture of an attractive, happy-looking female in a corner of the letter had as much positive impact on the response rate as dropping the interest rate by four percentage points!

Time to split test your results with images?

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I start my day with a cup of green tea, except when we’re travelling (then it’s coffee)

(Looks like donkey pee but tastes wonderful)

Because there’s no sugar or milk in my tea it takes an age to cool down enough to drink.

Just enough  time actually to go through my emails and prioritize them for the day.

It’s become a ritual 🙂

I used to know of a piano player who would make himself a scalding cup of hot chocolate to force himself to practise his piano.

It was far too hot to drink and he really wasn’t going to put it down on the rich, shiny wood of his piano while he practised.

So instead he held the cup in his right hand while he practised his scales with his weaker, left hand.

It made him practise for at least ten minutes while his choc became cool enough to drink.

Another ritual.

The trick of course is to encourage the positive rituals and dump the negative ones

I’d say a negative ritual was a rut…

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“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point”

– George Carlin

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At our local farm shop they hand-make their own sausages.

All sourced from local ingredients including the pigs which they rear on site.

They have the usual pork sausages which are always available.

And they have the speciality ones such as black pudding sausages (amazing), pork tikka sausages, beef and horseradish and more.

The ‘normal’ pork ones are always available and never sell out.

But to get the speciality ones you need to visit the shop on Wednesday (when they’re made) or within 48 to be sure of getting some before they sell out.

I’ve been at more than one local barbecue where disappointed guests have exchanged glances because the host didn’t get to the farm shop in time and was serving up ‘just’ pork sossies.

The thing is, the ‘just’ pork sossies are amazingly good too, but they’re just not…speciality.

I always ponder whether if they made their fancy range all the time would they sell out consistently OR would they become ‘normal’ and not sell as well because they were always available?

Is it the sausage that sells or the scarcity?

Or is it just clever local marketing because only us locals
know that the speciality ones are only available for a limited time?

I’d love to see their numbers.

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We’d just collected the kids from school when we found this little chap in the garden.

Obviously a domesticated ferret because when I went out to say hello he was very tame and even tried to get into the house which wouldn’t have been a good idea.

Quite a few people in the village still use ferrets for hunting rabbits so he’d probably not wandered too far, and in some circles a good rabbiter is worth it’s weight in gold.

I went to fetch some heavy gloves so I could grab him and keep him safe while I found out who he belonged to but when I got back he’d gone .

(Wasn’t taking any chances no matter how friendly he seemed – I once saw a man who’s finger had been bitten through to the bone by a ferret who wouldn’t let go)

He’d been spotted by others apart from us though because for the next two days people around the village could be heard asking each other ‘You’ve not lost a ferret have you?’

I’d not seen once around since last year when I lost the best part of £30 funding my kids’ gambling habit at the village hall ferret races.

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